Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
