i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
