Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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