I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
