Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
