Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
