is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
