i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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