Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
