i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there is glitter all over my balls
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