I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
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Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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