dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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