I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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