we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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