Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
