FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
