it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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