woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
