I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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