When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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