I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
