Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
