I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
