only if we run a train.
done.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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