that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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