her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
