Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am available for nakedness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize