i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
