So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
