good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
