ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
