If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
