wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
