My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
