Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
