Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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