No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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