the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you would pick up someone in the library
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
