Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
