he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
