hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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