Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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