her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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