I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i dont even know how to be here
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you have feelings for this penis?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
