Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
