I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
