Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
