Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
