She's JV to your varsity
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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