I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
