I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
