her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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