i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize