Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
