Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
