got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
