She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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