I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
