I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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