mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
