he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
