I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
