I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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