Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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