ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
