so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
