Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
