Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
