I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if only i could text you this smell
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
