you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
