Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
