The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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