Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
