my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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