im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
