i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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